


There's Red in Her Past

by OGayOne



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Natasha is actually Natalia in this, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other Avengers Mentioned - Freeform, Young Gamora, the soul stone is Gamora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OGayOne/pseuds/OGayOne
Summary: You couldn’t know who was satisfied with their life and who despised every moment they breathed. You could never know if on your own death bed you could lie awake and look back at the possibilities or think about the different outcomes you could have gotten. That would of been great for Natasha, well as she called herself Natalia Romanov, but she was not able to think about her past life as she could barely remember it. Then when people start coming to the place she accepted as her afterlife home she learns that maybe assassin wasn't what she was in life. Hero doesn't fit to Natalia, but a friend to others who loved her without her flaws, well it looked like a distant dream but isn't that just a memory.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov
Kudos: 5





	There's Red in Her Past

You couldn’t know who was satisfied with their life and who despised every moment they breathed. Maybe Natalia Romanov, or as her late friends knew her as Natasha, had a knack to know almost everything about a person with just a few glances. It was one of the things she was trained for that other young girls in the Black Widow Program never understood. Usually the entire story to someone’s life was in their face. Wrinkle lines, the smile, eyes lighting up at a conversation or shining away from others in a crowded place. 

She knew a Hell for her would be somewhere alone, she already lived in Hell once and this place wasn’t bad so to say, but it definitely wasn’t home. Natalia looked around at this home, out where the old Compound used to be. She had distant memories of this place. A place where she actually had a family. But why in God’s name did she ever give up the family so they could do something. 

Another rather crucial fact about Natalia Romanov, she couldn’t remember how she died. She only remembered seeing her family, closing her eyes and then waking up on the small beach on the lake. Throughout the days she has been here piecing together her death was the most important task at hand. But then, when she was talking to herself, remembering how she could see her family before she died, she couldn’t recall names. She was slowly forgetting what little memory she had left. 

It would have driven her crazy if she knew she was forgetting the best parts about her life. But Natalia kept up a schedule. She would wake up, somehow find food that wasn’t there yesterday and then go around the perimeter in new locations. She kept everything down in her head, and resorted to paper once she started noticing multiple things. For example, there were some foot tracks out in the forest, however, she wasn’t ready to go and adventure there anytime soon. Also, the sky was constantly orange. And for some reason, the ground was always wet like it was drenched in a morning dew. 

She came back when the orange sky was the brightest and then ate food, walked towards the lake. Something about it was so incredibly familiar, the pressure she put on herself hurt constantly. It was the way her chest convulsed every now and then. She felt a weird pain, a distant pain. Maybe something was happening to her, like she was living but she wasn’t fully alive. 

Anyway, after thinking and having so many problems she would go back to the home. She would go make some food and then sit down in the common room. There were things there that made sense for a family, but since it was only Natalia nothing here made sense for just her. First she saw the giant TV. People probably watched movies on it and cuddled on the many seating places that were available. In fact, there was a couch, an armchair, and a loveseat. For some reason she levitated towards the loveseat a lot. _Maybe it’s where I used to sit all the time when I was alive._

Natalia would end the day there, she knew she had a room, but when she went upstairs there were too many doors. And those doors were her other family’s rooms. But if she couldn’t remember them why would she ever go in one. 

So she stayed on the loveseat and lounged away, always waiting and listening for something to change. Maybe she would remember something or maybe she could get back to this family. A day like this would soon come, actually, three days would soon come, but no one could prepare her for them. Least of them, herself. She would have to face everything she knew head on because being one of the best heroes of all times meant growing from the villains who brought pain. 

Past:

The next day was a different day. She was already thrown off her schedule as she went for breakfast and found nothing but a note. Go to the beach. So she grabbed it and grumbled on the way. How was Natalia supposed to stop her morning routine to just go and grab her food on the fucking beach. But alas there was a picnic set up near the beach, but also, a man and a girl laying on the sand unconscious. 

_Is this how I looked when I arrived?_ She thought. Natalia went over to auto-pilot and looked over at the two. They were most likely related. The man looked older and had wrinkles and lines over his eyes and upper face. He was a happy man. She concluded, then could see fading scars on his back, not hidden from the shirt he was wearing. She gave up on learning his past mainly because she couldn’t find a wallet or any identification. Even a tattoo of a name looked fuzzy to her. The girl didn’t give much away either. She was fed and well cared for. She didn’t look malnourished, but she did look young. Similarly to when Natalia started going out and doing missions. 

The longer she stared at the girl, she realized maybe they were probably not related. The girl had brown hair, but the ends were dyed a vibrant red like her hair was. The man had dirty blond hair. The girl was also much darker than he was. She most likely had a Eastern European tan that Natalia had seen when she went outside of Russia. The man obviously had either an American or British skin tone. He was pale, but not insanely pale. She’s seen paler, but the girl was definitely more tanner. She also had some scarring on her arms and lines on her neck. 

Natalia was taken away from thinking with the groan of her stomach. She could possibly survive longer without food but the food here was so good. She could also drink whenever she wanted and not have a hangover. She popped open the wine in the picnic and looked over the contents inside. Sometimes she would watch the two, wondering when they were going to awake. After starting to eat the food they both stirred. 

Natalia got into a defensive stance, getting ready for whatever outcome might happen. 

“Shit.” The man cursed. He coughed heavily and sounded hoarse. She fixed a drink and the girl would most likely need one too, “Wanda?” He then turned to the girl, not even looking in Natalia’s direction. 

“I’m here Clint.” 

_Clint and Wanda_ , She thought, _They didn’t sound familiar so why were they here?_

“What are you doing here?” She asked them, getting both of them to look at her. 

“I- I don’t know.” Clint responded, “We were looking for a lost friend of ours.” He got lost in a thought. 

“I can’t remember anything.” Wanda spoke softly. She then glanced up to Natalia, “Who are you? What are you doing here?” 

“I’m Natalia, I woke up here.” She shrugged, “This is my breakfast, I think there is enough for both of you to eat too.”

The two looked at each other. Clint sighed and sat down, with Wanda sitting but almost blocked in a way. _They don’t trust me, maybe they were my enemies. Still doesn’t explain why they’re here._ She continued to come up with conspiracies as they ate in silence. 

“Are you her father?” She finally asked.

“In a way yes.”

“So not blood related?”

“Nope.”

A silence elapsed over them until she thought of their actions, “Were you guys spies?”

“Sorta.” Clint responded again.

“And you?” Natalia pushed Wanda.

“No.”

“How did you get your scars then?” She asked, pointing to her own neck.

It was only met with silence. Natalia was getting nowhere with this. _What type of spy am I?_ She found herself thinking. She had people to talk to and they weren’t even talking to her back. Maybe it was because they were spies, or something else that she could only have known in a different lifetime. 

It was incredibly slow. The day carried on and Natalia only found herself being pushed towards them. She found more notes. They all gave her directions to these people. But then she would go and hide from then since she knew the grounds. She had been here for a while, and her mind knew the floor plan of the entire place. 

It was becoming a recurrence, how often they ran into her too. They had their small conversations mumbling about remembering who they needed to find and get. Natalia was becoming so annoyed by their presence and their small conversations she turned to them from her spot on the loveseat.

“You people really do not know how to be quiet.” She raised her voice so they would hear her from the common room. Clint and Wanda turned around, looking at the redhead who put her book down. She had no idea what was running through their minds but maybe she knew something that could get them gone. _Why do I want them gone?_

“We can go somewhere else-” Clint started but Natalia stopped him.

“No, I think-” She needed to compose herself, after not talking to anyone for weeks, “I think I might be able to help you. You see when I was alive I used to find people.” She chose her words carefully, mainly because killing people doesn’t have a nice ring to it. 

“You used to find people, that’s a weird way to word things.” Clint jokes, “But um yeah sure, I think maybe you can help us get out of here.”

“You knew to come to the beach today, why?” Wanda asked.

“I got a note.”

“From where?”

“The kitchen.” 

“Can you show us, and also have you gotten any more?” 

Natalia nodded and brought them to the places where she found each three. The fridge, the common room, and outside in one of her usual spots. Wanda read each of them while Clint mainly waited around. _She’s definitely the smarter one._ Natalia noted. Wanda laughed which caught her eyes. _What’s so funny to her?_

“Oh um,” Wanda looked up to Natalia, “I can hear people’s thoughts, and yours just made me think of some old things. Also, you are correct we keep Clint around for his powerful skills in archery.” 

“He shoots arrows?” 

“Yep, practically just like Merida but with better hair. Our friend, the one we’re looking for, had the brightest red hair ever. It is really pretty, I actually dyed my hair after hers. It was funny because she dyed it blonde.” Wanda turned away looking in the notes again while Natalia brushed her fingers through her hair. Her hair was red, a vibrant red, with blonde on the edges. _Am I their friend?_ She looked at both of them, _How come I don’t have any memories of them then?_

Before Natalia could ask a question, it began raining. Something that had never happened before. Since they were outside, they dashed inside, taking cover and now coming up with a plan to get Clint and Wanda home. 

Natalia went into the kitchen to calm her nerves down. She found people who were looking for her but they forgot their memory. _How did they forget it, is it like me?_ She stared at them, talking and laughing about kids being kids. _Clint has children?_ She looked back down to her hands, then saw a note. 

_If they go into the lake, then they can leave.  
You may also leave with them or can stay. Others will come though. Choose wisely Natalia Romanov._

Natalia didn’t even know what to do now. She thought how when she was alive, she knew exactly what to do, or at least pretend it. Now, thinking about the knowledge she had, she wanted to go with them, but it said others were coming. Natalia ripped the last part of the note off, then gave it to Wanda and Clint. 

“You guys can go find your friend.” She smiled. She knew them for almost a day and they had grown on her. How sad. 

Taking them to the lake after the rain had settled down was peaceful and nice. It was similar to the first day she arrived in the way that the ground was soaking wet. After they stood on the sand for a minute, Clint finally spoke up.

“So, I guess this is it.” He breathed out air and threw his arms, “Nice knowing you Natalia. I hope you have fun in whatever this is supposed to be.” He waved his hand toward the compound.

“It’s what my family lived in.”

“Well, you know I’ve seen something like this back home. You even wanna visit, maybe this is your way out. If you do come back give us a call. Clint Barton and Wanda Maximoff. We will become your personal tour guide of Earth.”

“Yea,” Wanda took over, she gave Natalia a small smile, “If you see our friend-” She paused for a second, as her face slowly turned gears, “I was going to say let us know, but we barely told you anything important.”

“I know what to look for Wanda, like I said, I have a knack for finding people. Be careful though, I have no idea what you guys are getting into.” 

“Bye Natalia. Thank you for everything.”

“Bye Wanda,” She waved, then turned to Clint in the water, “Bye Clint.” 

The two walked into the orange water. Natalia noted it wasn’t orange before, but everything did share a hue of orange. _Maybe I was their friend, maybe they were looking for Natasha._

Then a small voice in her head asked, _Natasha?_ It sounded sad and when she looked at Wanda, she saw red orbs in her eyes. _Wanda?_ She thought. 

“Natasha! No!” Wanda tried moving back but a light flashed and they were gone. 

_They were looking for me._ Natalia thought and collapsed on the ground.

Present:

Natalia dealt with the loss of memories when she was younger. She remembered the KGB got rid of some that weren’t important, or good memories she had with traitors. She sometimes thought when she was older she would be a dancer. A professional ballerina dancer. The day after Clint and Wanda left, she never stopped saying their names, she had a dream of her dancing. 

The lights were on her. She had no idea what this dance was but her feet must have because her body danced with grace and carried her throughout the stage. There was an array of other dancers on stage with her. Some notable ones being a man with his hair half up. He was followed by a blond dancer. The man with his hair up was her partner as he danced near her often, but always followed her lead. The blond had his own partner, a lady with brown hair. Next to her on her other side was a man with black hair. He had a redhead like herself dancing with him. Whenever she was looking at either of them they smiled or winked her way. Sadly they all left. Slowly their feet graced the stage of their presence but then the rhythm left. They left.

She was alone dancing on a stage. A lone ballerina on a stage should be a happy one. Nothing says powerful like having an area to spread out. One to prove your talent and not be over shown. Something about those men, even the women that were there, made something grow inside Natalia.

These could be my memories waking up.

She didn’t have a dream as vivid as the ballerina dream for a week. Before then, she felt a feeling in her stomach. Something’s happening.

She found the note between the loveseat cushions telling her to go to the lake today. What she found there was not a picnic this time, but a boy unconscious. He looked weak and almost dying. His breathing was small, so she checked him over and moved him into the compound. She had no idea where to actually put him, so she draped him along the biggest couch. 

She got some wet paper towels to help with the heat the boy left, and place them on his forehead.

“Hello there мальчик.” She found herself reverting back to her mother tongue, “Я наталья.” 

He shifted slightly and she found herself amused with this young boy. He couldn’t be younger than 14 but also did not look like an adult. He had no visible scars on his body, nothing out of the ordinary. He was very light thought and looked to be extremely skinny. _Underweight?_ She thought. He didn’t look like anyone he knew, maybe she did and she didn’t know it yet. She thought first though to ask who Clint and Wanda were. This boy most likely knew them. 

He didn’t stir again, even when it was getting darker, or darker orange. She stayed on the loveseat, waiting for the boy to wake up, however the only thing constant was his breathing. She spent the rest of her time reading. There were books around the compound, but mainly she reread the descriptions of Clint and Wanda. She reread questions of who they were to her. She reread over her dream from a week ago. She knew ballet but did those men. There weren’t any men in the Black Widow program but maybe there were other programs. Hydra. A voice spoke in her head. It wasn’t her own, but a lot of information came piling in. Then a name The Winter Soldier. The man who helped train her. 

A knock on the front door of the compound startled her. It ripped her from her thoughts and made her breathing go ridged. She gasped for a breath hoping to calm her nerves. She immediately thought of Clint and Wanda but what if it was someone else out there. She heard the door open, _Wow, so much for knocking._

“Peter?” A man yelled. He sounded a little scared, “Peter! I’m grounding you if you don’t respond!” He continued to yell.

“Tony how do you even know he’s going to be here?” Someone else was with him, the man was named Tony. Natalia looked back to the boy, _his name is Peter._

“Come on Cap this is the only place here. He would be smart enough to go here and not into the forest. That or we would have already seen him.” The other man was named Cap? _Who names their child Cap._

Their walking was coming near her, and she didn’t know what to do. Either she could hide or talk to them. She wanted more memories and maybe they were the answer, but she also didn’t want to meet anyone with a malicious plan from her past. 

“Tony, I don’t think we’re alone.” Natalia was too wrapped up in her thoughts to see a blond man and a dark haired brunette come into the common room. They looked familiar. She remembered seeing them somewhere, the male dancers. 

“You’re the dancers.” She mumbled. The two morphed their faces from shocked to confusion. 

“No, we’re definitely not dancers Nat.” The brunette chuckled, _he knows my name?_

“You know my name, how?”

“Nat it us Steve and Tony.” The blond one, Steve said. _His name isn’t Cap. Well, that’s a good thing at least._

“You expect that means something, I don’t remember my past except for snippets. I don’t remember anything. Least of all people.” She gets a little annoyed, _why did they look hurt when it wasn’t her fault._ A light flipped on in her head, “Clint and Wanda did they make it back?”

“They did.” Steve answered while Tony still looked a bit out of it. He was searching the room until he landed his eyes on the boy.

“Peter.” He mumbled, he ran over to him. Natalia had to stop herself from stopping him. She knew it might have looked weird, her protecting a boy she’s never met. Maybe it was maternal instincts. 

“I found him at the beach this morning. He hasn’t woken up yet.” 

“Yea, that sounds like this kid.”

“Is he yours?” She saw the similarities, but she was wrong before with Clint and Wanda.

“Yes.” 

Steve still stayed in front of her, looking over her, “I couldn’t believe it when Clint told us you were alive.” 

“Is that such a big deal? Have been dead for a while?”

“How is it I haven’t seen you in a month yet you're still keeping control?” He laughed. _He had a very big laugh._

“You have a very loud laugh.”

“Oh yea, Capsicle does but wait till you hear Thor’s.” Tony responded, she glanced back over to him. He was sitting on the couch, where Peter’s head was resting in his lap. 

“Like the Norse god?”

“You don’t remember him?”

“Like I said, I don’t remember my family.”

They were quiet after that, then she went back to the loveseat. Steve sat on a part of the couch, not knowing what to do. As she read, she could glance and see him fidgeting with his hands. She wanted to learn more but she also didn’t know where to start. _How much am I willing to learn about myself?_

Steve looked big. That was a pretty big thing about him. He had broad shoulders and thighs. However, with his body language, he looked as though he didn’t want to take up space on the couch. Maybe someone sat with him on the couch constantly. It was probably overcrowded. He had wrinkles but didn’t look a day over thirty. He had the bluest eyes she had ever seen on anyone. In all the ways he was a perfect man, Tony differed in appearances and most likely actions. He was older, it was all in the fine lines. He looked at the boy with worried eyes. Maybe he was checking over him but Natalia wasn’t looking at that. He was holding him in a way that was pushed away from Steve and herself. 

“So you guys remember?” She finally asked.

“Yes, we do.”

“Clint and Wanda didn’t remember anything.”

Another wave of silence draped over them. Natalia was tired of them at this point.

“The kid, who is he?” She needed to talk to someone. _Why do I need to though, I was doing fine by myself._

“Peter. He’s a superhero back home, like you.” 

“You should tell her about their similarities with spiders.” Steve laughed. Tony broke into a small smile. 

“You were called the Black Widow if you remember or not.” He looked up, “You had taser bites the kid and I made for you.”

“He’s smart.”

“He’s a genius.”

“How old is he?”

“15, turning 16 in August.” 

Silence overcame them again, but this time Natalia was satisfied with the outcome. She learned so much more. She also had many more questions for them. She liked Peter, she liked both of them. With the way they talked to her they must have been in their family. It then got her spiraling towards other questions. 

“I had remembered something- or well in a dream after Wanda and Clint left, I dreamed about a dance- which is actually why I asked if you guys were dancers. Each of you had a partner and I had one too. He had a weird name and wore his hair up. Tony you had a girl with hair like mine, maybe it was a lighter red, but it was still obviously red. Then Steve you were dancing with a brunette. She was smaller than you, like really smaller. Do you um,” She looked up to them to see their faces. Their expressions were a little hard to read, “Do you guys know who they are?”

“Pepper and Peggy.” Tony replied, “Pepper’s my wife and Peggy was Cap’s girlfriend from the 40s.”

She looked at Steve, _how was he from the 40s?_

“What about the guy, the one who had a weird name?” Steve asked.

“The Winter Soldier.” 

The two froze. Tony visibly tense and Steve stiffened his shoulders. They know who he is. 

“Was he good?” She asked. 

Neither of them answered and when Steve glanced at Tony he drilled holes in the blond’s head. 

“He wasn’t good, the Winter Soldier was not a good man. He was affiliated with Hydra.” Steve spoke softly. It sounded like he was careful in his words, “His real name was James Buchanan Barnes, most people called him Bucky. He was my best friend. He is much better now in the future. You and him were close.”

She didn’t comment; _we were close, so what happened?_

They didn’t talk much and Natalia wanted to fall asleep. It was probably her inner spy coming out to play keeping caution of the people around. Was she okay to trust them because they obviously knew her but did that matter. She didn’t know them and what they were capable of. It was strange to her how she did fall asleep though, but out of the corner of her eye she wasn’t the only one lulled by a dream. It looked as if Tony had fallen asleep. He looked like an old man who’s fallen asleep on a chair. Steve on the other took control of the space around him and let his head rest on the arm rest. He was still scrunched up like a ball.

_They must really trust me to fall asleep near me. Especially Tony, I wonder whatever happened to me and them. Who was I to them. Right now, I only think their Nat could be something as important as a sibling._

\---

Natalia woke up in the morning a little less fresh than yesterday. She had a nightmare and sadly only recalled the sweat and tension it left on her body. She did see that Peter was awake. He was wide awake but still in the same position Tony had left him. Tony was snoring peacefully in the old man position while Steve looked like he relaxed more into his ball (?) position. He stretched out a little further on the couch but not at all close to Tony or Peter.

“Good morning.” She greets him. 

“Hello.” He replies, but a more hushed tone. 

“Your father told me a lot about you last night.” She found herself starting small talk with this kid, “Also do you want to eat anything? I have almost anything.” She got up from the loveseat and stretched her back. She took steps towards the kitchen thinking the kid would follow. He stayed for a few seconds, being near Tony must have been a safety thing. _Children always go back to parents,_ She thought, _well good parents._

He did come into the kitchen, sitting down on one of the stools and watching her get out ingredients. 

“I didn’t know the great Black Widow cooked.”

“It’s not necessarily cooking, more like reading and following along.” She replied, “Also don’t call me the Black Widow. I’m Natalia.”

“Hello Natalia,” He smiled in return, sweet, “I’m Peter. Do you want help reading those directions?”

“No I’m good, if you just want to relax, I’m sure that’s what your dad wants.”

“My dad?” He stared at her confused. 

“Yea Tony.” Was he lying?

“Oh yea Tony, I don’t call him dad to be honest sorry.”

“No ребенок I’m sorry.”

“Я не ребенок.” He simply pouted that. It caught her off guard, how did that man have a child who spoke Russian, “Sorry, that’s something Bucky and Wanda usually tell me and I learned to yell at them back in their mother tongue or for Bucky maybe his like most used language. I don’t know you would probably have to ask him yourself. Oh yeah which reminds me, I think we’re here to bring you home.”

_Wow this kid could talk._

“Going home?” She looked at him, “Also Bucky as in James Barnes?”

“Yeah that’s him, Steve’s best friend. He is super cool and nice to me though. I know Tony doesn’t like him that much because they have troubling past but both of them- super cool.”

“Got it kid.” 

“So, this is where you live now?” 

“Yep.”

“It’s sorta cool that it looks just like the old Compound did. Maybe you know like you had some good memories there but I thought that would most likely be at the Avengers Tower. Then again Ultron sorta destroyed that place so maybe it doesn’t have to do with memories. Is everything the same in here actually? I wonder if my old room is still upstairs.” He started mumbling smaller phrases to himself while Natalia just looked at the kid. _He talks so fast._

“I haven’t gone up to the rooms yet.” 

“Why not?”

“There were too many and it brought bad memories. I’ve been sleeping on the loveseat since I arrived.”

“How long ago was that?”

Natalia didn’t honestly know. It probably was around a month, but her schedule stopped working after Clint and Wanda’s arrival. She still wanted to check out the second floor and learn everything she could about who she supposedly lived with. Maybe it was something she needed to confront and learn more about herself. _Maybe I can get my memories back._

Peter grabbed his chest, almost similar to the multiple times she had chest pains. 

“Are you okay ребенок?” She looked concerned and moved to feel if he was still warm. 

“I- I think I’m good,” He was obviously lying, “Just got a little breathing pain. Nothing too harmful.” He laughed it off but it didn’t do him any good. 

She walked over to what might have been a medicine cabinet in her past life. She pulled out what she had taken her first night. He took the pills and drank some water. Peter looked less tense, but still showed signs of discomfort. Tony and Steve still haven’t awoken yet, and maybe something was wrong but she had no idea what it was. Peter coughed grabbing her attention, and she started patting his back and rubbing it. It was what some of the older girls had done for her when she was sick, and she spread it on to two of them before stopping. 

“Are you sure you're okay ребенок?”

“Yea, I think it’s just my Spider sense, it’s hurting a bit.” 

“Spider sense?”

“Yea, I’m Spiderman.” He smiled. 

“Sorry kid, I only know of one spider named person and you’re looking at her.”

“Yeah, well I am a hero in Queens, actually all of New York City, but I like to stay in Queens because I was born and raised there and all that. I actually live there and the tower now. It’s sorta cool when you have co-parents- oh yea one of them is Tony as you know and the other is my aunt May. She’s actually dating Happy which has nothing to do with me being a superhero but- you don’t remember Happy shoot forgot about that. Well anyways, I can climb walls and stick to them like spiders do. Also, I have made spider webs similar to spider silk however I wanted to upgrade them, so I added carbon nanotubes to make them stronger after an incident I had with one of my arch rivals the Vulture. 0/10 fighting with him would never recommend he dropped a building on me and like crashed a plan. I also dated his daughter for like a night or we were supposed to go to homecoming together and we like didn’t. Spiderman really takes away from my dating life but it’s cool and all.” 

She simply nodded as the kid still was able to talk up a storm. She learned so much in such a little time, probably more about Peter’s life than her own. But she did learn about the Walmart parking lot fight, between Steve and Tony. _Weird, if they fought how long ago was it, whose side did I pick?_

At the end of their recap, Peter style, she grew more worried of what had actually happened. She didn’t like everything he told her, especially how this group fought a lot. How arguments were common in their house. She knew arguing was good in most relationships but other times, it was hard to only ever have a conversation with someone while you are arguing. Natalia knew she was head strong, independent, and resourceful, but she didn’t know if she had a role in the family. She was only so good at playing the roles, _did I forget my own?_

The next thing she knew there was a note, but also a light patter of feet running away. I probably am going crazy here. She thought as she opened to read what the mysterious girl said this time. 

_The boy is not safe here, he has been here before but last time he wasn’t himself. He needs to leave now._

The note for some reason looked deadly serious. It hurt how soon it said they needed to leave. Peter did arrive unconscious and it said he had been here before, _when?_ Natalia didn’t waste time, she looked at him and signaled him. 

“You guys need to go.” 

“What?” He coughed, “We came to get you Ms. Romanov.”

“It’s fine Peter you can call me Natalia.”

“Natalia, I haven’t heard them ever say that was your name. They usually call you Nat, or Tasha, or Natasha. Tony has some weird nicknames but that’s for him.” His voice sounded weird. He looked sweaty and paler than before. _How did he only get worse in a few minutes?_

“Okay, I need you to help me wake them up, I can show you this note here,” She showed him the warning note, then the same one which she ripped the bottom of to show Clint and Wanda how to get home, “All you three have to do is go to the lake.” 

He nodded in response and got up. Waking up both of them wasn’t hard, but telling them they had to go without her was a painful lie. _Oh no, I’m lying to them, and I still have no idea why._ She brought them to the lake, and Peter was now putting most of his weight on Tony. 

She knew Tony was ready, though there was hesitation in his eyes as he set out for the lake. Steve however, didn’t even move. He didn’t even say any words. 

“Nat please, you can’t just stay here. You can come back alright, Thor he told us we would be able to bring you back. We’re your family, we miss you.”

“There are still things I need to think about Steve, and I don’t- I don’t remember anything, only small snippets of a dream-like place. But all dreams can’t be perfect, there is chaos in everything.” She sounded remorseful, “You need to go with them, Tony is struggling.”

“What about you?” He asked, “What about the family you made back home?”

“I have a feeling I’ll see someone soon enough. Maybe they will be the least important person to me or someone who means everything, but I need to wait this Steve. I think we will see each other again, but I can’t leave now.”

She looked at him, more anger in her stomach for not turning around and going. Everyone will eventually go and Peter needs help, so why won’t he leave? She doesn’t know it now, but he is a very stubborn man and giving up on someone as the way Natalia wanted him to give up on her was something he could never do. The painful reasoning behind her words and the look she gave him sent him moving. She didn’t listen for Tony and Steve’s conversation, but she could see their lips moving. Maybe a small we’ll be back, or another verse of a promise. She couldn’t care, she was Natalia Romanov and she could fend for her fucking self.

Peter waved to her. _They were a family to me, I can’t lie about that anymore._ She thought, then once they turned and the same thing happened with Clint and Wanda. They were in the lake, then they were gone. Natalia was alone, how it should have been. _I would've never had a family._

She brought herself to go back to the compound and she laid for the rest of the day, piecing together information that Peter had given her. Tomorrow she was going to go onto the second floor and look inside everyone’s rooms but for now she was exhausted.

Future:

It wasn’t a peaceful night for Natalia. She was trapped, on a cliff, and had to watch others dance to their death. When the dance wasn’t good enough, the ballerina fell. She couldn’t see anyone's faces, but knew that they would all fail. As time grew longer and it was harder to breathe she was put under the spotlight. 

Natalia had to dance for Ivan. A man she knew she hated. Finally she had something she definitely knew unlike the last day. Dancing was like a memory and for a second she was lost in the past. She didn’t pass the test and was sent to her death. It was too peaceful to be her death. It wasn’t the impact that woke her up, but when she turned her head to the side she saw a woman with red hair and blonde tips. A small braid laid on her face covered in dried sweat, tears, and blood. The blood was in a circle and was the coldest thing to her. 

_It’s your blood Natasha. You know who you are, but like a coward you forgot everything that made you._

Natalia saw she was dead, that was how she died. Or well, was taken to the orange sky and compound. She jumped off a cliff, but in a peaceful way. Not one where she wanted death but she did it for a cause. She got up and went into the kitchen to get a drink of something. Natalia, Natasha, now she was mixing up her lives. 

_I’ve lived too many different lives that are almost similar. Instead when I was a killer I went by Natalia and now in my family I go by Natasha. I have fought on both sides, it was something I did. I left last minute and now I can’t even go to the other side._

She stayed in the kitchen awaiting for some note, some direction to tell her what she could do. She found a small note on the loveseat, it helped her a bit. It told her someone would be here soon. They would need help. She could be that help. _Maybe I can still treat the rest of my family right._

She didn’t know who would be coming this time, maybe Clint and Wanda would find her again, she would hope Peter wouldn’t come back and risk getting seriously injured again. Every time she thought of people she got small flashes of a memory coated in fairy lights like a dream. One of them was a Christmas party. She couldn’t name everyone, point out others and only assume everyone else’s names. She could see Peter with a little girl. The girl couldn’t be but around three or four. She squealed and flapped her body in his arms. He simply laughed along carrying her to wherever she asked. She could see Tony watching them. Father of two children. She thought, then turned around. Steve was there with more people she couldn’t recognize but James Barnes was there. Where he was, half way in the common room and the kitchen, he could see a small boy putting magnets on a metal arm. While he took no part of stopping him Clint came in and picked him up. He is a father too. Clint walked back over to the couch where Peter and the girl now calmed down. Wanda was there with another girl and a boy. _They’re so many children here, maybe I knew them at a time though._

“Nat?” She was taken out of the Christmas party and saw a man there. Bruce Banner aka the Hulk. 

“Bruce, nice to see you.” 

“You remember?” He sounded a little shocked, “Sorry the others told me you don’t usually remember. You say your name is Natalia and you can’t leave.”

“That’s about it. How did you get here?”

“No idea, I just woke up here.” He shifted his hands around a bit, a little confused on what to say.

“Sorry, why did they send you here?”

“Oh believe me I’m wondering the same thing.” He laughed, “I think it has to do with our failed romance while a robot tried to kill humanity.” 

_Wow, that’s weird._

“We had a romance?”

“Best not go too deep into it, I think we were both emotionally unstable and looking for someone to help. We’re still friends back at home or teammates if you like that better. You got over me, I had my own problems back on Sakaar. Everything was fun and is fine. So, um, how are you?”

“Oh, I think I’m good. Just trying to remember everything and still wondering why you people keep on coming to me.”

“Our team never gives up on others. It’s sorta the whole motto, we avenge our fallen friends. I’m pretty sure it was Fury who got that idea.”

“Fury?”

He stared at her for a second, thinking maybe she would remember something.

“Sorry, I can talk about anything else you want. I don’t really know much though. Everything is so different from the past you know though. I’m sure Peter was a big help though. With his storytelling and how fast he speaks is abnormally fast for anyone.” 

She laughed in response and listened to him talk about the real world. Throughout the entire time she thought about what she was doing during that time. She learned the first Avengers meeting they had, how she was also the first person to meet the Hulk. Then about the fun adventure she had with Steve and defeating Hydra. _Wow, the world knows who I am._ That part took her a bit to comprehend. 

“Did they think I was a monster?” She found herself asking, like how a child too insecure would want to know.   
“No. I think you made a lot of others see people could change. You also gave other young girls the passion to be something bigger and stronger than others. You still do it now. Morgan- Tony’s daughter, you have taught her so much. She looks up to you. Wanda loves you like an older sister. She became a team member because of Clint but you helped train her to be the best fighter she is today.”

Natalia let out a sigh at all of this, “You can’t simply just say those words to a person who doesn’t remember anything.”

“Yeah, I think I got that after you didn’t respond. Who was I to think I could make the famous Black Widow speechless.” They hadn’t realized at the time but they had been talking for most of the day. The sky gave a dusty orange and in the distance a light seemed to dim. 

“How do I leave this place?” Bruce asked her. 

“You’re leaving so soon? I thought everyone who came through was supposed to bring me home.”

“Well, that’s what everyone else wanted. What they don’t know is what you want. We all want Natasha back but if you, Natalia, don’t want to come back to her place then that’s fine. I think the others might come back some time again. But all I know is, if you are my friend, that you are strong enough to make your own decisions. You most likely knew you could leave this place if you wanted to, but for now you have decided to stay because of some reason.”

“You’re creepily good at making me feel my feelings.”

“I used to do therapy for Tony Stark, do you know how much mental shit he deals with.” She laughs at that. _I don’t but I can only assume it would be something that I would help him through._

“Well, I’ll take you, but I wanted to ask you something first. Which room is mine upstairs?”

“Last one on the left. You will know everyone else’s. I’m pretty sure Tony’s and Peter’s are actually on the third floor, but everyone else’s is on the second.” 

“Cool, thanks Bruce.” She walked over to him and hugged him. He hugged back. 

She brought him to the small beach on a lake and told him what to do. 

“Will it work?”

“It always works.”

“Well, thank you for talking with me Nat. I hope you sort everything out.” She watched his face, a happy man with a troubled past. He probably had found a family like her. They did have similar stories, just different outcomes. He was smarter than she would ever be, but he also knew chapters ahead of him. Mine are probably all finished. 

Bruce left mumbling some words behind, “Come home one day Natasha.” Natalia didn’t get to respond, but she heard them loud and clear. Maybe one day Natasha would awake in her place but now, she couldn’t fake that woman. She couldn’t fake their version of the Black widow who was perfect. She was perfect in that she had a family. 

_You’ll find them soon. _A voice spoke softly, almost like a childs.__

__Natalia didn’t want to go down a rabbit hole so walked back to the compound and up to the second floor to the farthest rooms there. Two doors stood parallel to each other. She knew hers was the left, but for some reason she also wanted to know who was in the one across from her. She must have known them quite well._ _

___Maybe it’s the Winter Soldier, it looked like he lived here in that memory._ _ _

__Natalia made her way into the room, stepping carefully on the hardwood floors. She saw a bed, a dresser, lots of different kinds of books. This room showed it had someone living in it with the carpet having stains all over in different places. It had holes on the wall where photos must have been hung. She found a chair tucked away in the corner of the room and perched on it. She could look out of the window, and instead of seeing orange, she saw stars in the night sky._ _

__“You have a very nice room.” A little voice commented and got Natalia’s presence. She turned and looked at her bed, where a little green girl smiled happily at Natalia, “Sorry to disturb you, I have only been trying to help. You see we shared similar deaths, but I think the universe was giving you a second chance so I was like I could help.”_ _

__“And who exactly are you?”_ _

__“I’m the embodiment of the Soul Stone, what you were once located in. I was once alive and still actually in the land of the living, just as a different being so to say.”_ _

__“Are you a child still?”_ _

__“Oh no, I’m probably in my twenties for you Terrans. I was a daughter of Thanos but he is and will never be my father.”_ _

___Thanos, their last chance to get everyone back._ _ _

__“You were the first one to be sacrificed.”_ _

__A simple nod was all that was given. Ivan would have done it with me too. But she looks only like a child, would if it were foolish to revert back to one's innocence or was it out of her control._ _

__“What is your name?”_ _

__“Gamora.”_ _

__“Nice to finally meet the person who was so kind to help me.”_ _

__“Yes, it was annoying with all my hard work going unnoticed. You even ripped one of my notes in half because you couldn’t decide if going back was good enough!” The kid grumbled in one of the most adorable ways. She scrunched her nose, probably thinking how annoyed or frustrated she looks._ _

__“I didn’t know at the time.”_ _

__“But do you know now, after everyone who has visited you?”_ _

__Natalia couldn’t answer that, so she turned back to the stars in the sky. She had never been one for space, but she died on a planet that wasn’t even her home. _Was I the first human to die on an alien planet?_ She got lost in her thoughts and wanted to go back downstairs to see something. In Natalia’s heart maybe she was saying goodbye to something or disposing something else out of her. She wasn’t having a cleansing at the moment, but something to strip the toxins away and push them down so a new bed of cells could grow._ _

__In the common room, there were more people. There were her teammates. Tony cuddled with Peter and Morgan on the couch, Steve sitting in between Sam and Bucky because of their constant bickering. Bruce sat on the chair to the left, his nose caught in a scientific journal most likely. No one sat on the loveseat, meaning it was her perfect place after all. Clint and Lila were bickering in the corner about some superhero nonsense with Wanda taking Lila’s side. She could tell they were exhausted from something by their posture. She knew her family long enough now that if they were tired they showed it in their own ways._ _

__“Hope you guys didn’t miss me for too long.” Natasha smiled and watched as their heads turned and their faces lit up seeing someone they thought was lost within their past._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to anyone reading this, I just wanted to give something to the most badass woman I know and here is how I wanted to fix Endgame because it left permanent damage. If you want to leave constructive criticism that is fine too, stay safe everyone.


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